Self Help Recovery. ComĀ©

Featuring the Accelerated Recovery Process..

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PHASE II

Question..

Have you ever let go of resisting and allowing your self to cry very deeply...

to just almost completely collapse into feeling your sadness..

Do you remember how you felt when it was all over ?

Relaxed, revitalized..just down to earth feeling great..

PHASE II

EMOTIONS VS FEELINGS

UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCE

AND

THE HEALING PROCESS

COMMENTARY..

The Recovery Process dealing with feelings IS NOT A " BLAME GAME". Even though the origin of emotional trauma can be traced to our early childhood as a result of actions of our care givers the original " act " can be attributed to in most cases as " Innocent Ignorance".

THE RESPONSIBLE COURSE OF ACTION TO TAKE IS TO TAKE ACTION

OUR SELF

AND TO ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY OUR SELF

TO HEAL OUR EMOTIONAL TRAUMA

AND DO NOT PASS THE ABUSE ONTO ANYONE ELSE !

NOT EVEN THE ALLEGED ORIGINATOR

AND

ESPECIALLY DO NOT DUMP IT ON INNOCENT CHILDREN !*

 

Please... If you are a parent and a situation occurs with your children that generates strong feelings like anger for instance please don't take it out on your children... It may appear that they caused the anger but that is not True..They are just an Innocent " Trigger" that will be explained in greater detail...Don't pass the dysfunction on to the next generation....Also remember very young children, under 7 years old do not have their brain completely developed yet..they do not necessarily understand what really is different from right and wrong..A responsible parent needs to be patient and understanding...

 

 

 

Establishing a solid foundation for your recovery work…

Reflecting back on the Recovery Process developed here , there is one basic fundamental that was established at the beginning that I believe is crucial for a successful and motivated recovery.. and that is a very real re-connection with what is commonly called and known as the Inner Child.

Words cannot describe my appreciation for the work of John Bradshaw. Mr.Bradshaw is a Licensed Therapist, Author and dedicated to the work of Recovery. Back in 1990 the local PBS station broadcasted his work called " Homecoming". A " Masterpiece"...Homecoming Seriesexplained in detail the origin of our emotions/feelings and reconnected with our " Inner Child" and directed viewers on how to get back in touch, how to unconditionally accept our feelings with incredible interactive exercises.  Now available on DVD at  http://www.johnbradshaw.com/search.aspx?find=homecoming  . Would strongly suggest to purchase or check with your local Library to see if they have a copy. If they do not have a copy ask them to get one...

The Inner Child is a very real , very major part of us that in most cases went into hiding many years ago.. we had all learned how to conceal and control this part of us …through mostly addictions of one sort or another.. But it is the Inner Child’s most demanding and never ending pursuit to heal the inner pain.. by simply reliving and experiencing the pain.. also known as our emotions..

Our subconscious creates events and brings us to individuals that will re-create and bring the emotions back to our consciousness relentlessly until we surrender to the process and pay attention again to our Inner Child..

Even though the term and concept had been around for over forty years it came to the National attention back in 1990 by the PBS series narrated by John Bradshaw , called “ Home Coming”.

Here Mr. Bradshaw with a very clear demonstration with magnificent illusions helped the audience re-connect with that inner part of us called the inner child.

Also by getting pictures of the individual when they were infants and toddlers everyone could see , connect and have compassion for what the child had gone through and then that re-established respect and a unconditional acceptance of the child within…

An acceptance that was never felt before.. and now with a new respect, understanding and enthusiastic application of the feeling work.. because now it was understood and accepted that the pain we have been and are now feeling is the pain of the innocent, precious and incredible Inner Child…

This establishes and begins to build real Self Esteem…..Self Esteem has absolutely nothing to do with accomplishment or recognition.. It has all to do with complete unconditional acceptance of your self and your feelings.

There is one most unfortunate twist with the Inner Child work that was observed in the mid 90’s where some facilitators completely missed the boat by misinterpreting the concept of Inner Child work and had clients acting out and behaving as a child.. as if to “ bring up” or connect with the inner child. This practice was very wrong, in appropriate and unproductive and gave Inner Child Work a bad name.

Inner Child work is not “ childish” in any way shape or form.

We will be expanding on the subject with our new workbook and will be including additional must reading including contact information to order copies of the Home Coming Video Tape.


What you can HEAL and what you cannot HEAL..…

 

 

There needs to be a clear cut understanding between the differences of Emotions and Feelings. Feelings that are generated as a result of an event or situation is a natural reaction to protect our self, our natural self esteem our boundaries. If you here a rumor that your company may start layoffs and your job may be in jeopardy and you feel some anxiety and fear, this is natural. What you will eventually discover in this program,the right approach would be to actually allow your self to feel what you are feeling and when the feeling clears ( integrates ) you will have a better insight as to what action to take.

On the other hand if the same situation generates a massive anxiety attack with an overwhelming negative inner dialog…those catastrophic thoughts then you are dealing with an emotion that is attempting to clear. The process as you also will see is to allow your self to feel the pain to clear it…but normally at this level it will take time to completely clear. An emotion is a major repressed feeling(s) from the past stored in our body.

A different way to compare the two is an Emotion would be a Hurricane Katrina, a normal Feeling would be a Warm spring shower with a mild wind…

 

*Graphic- Tormention © copyright by Artist Shoana Gordon of Africa. Reprinted with permission. Gallery E-MAIL

 

Emotions can be Cured with the process described here….

 

Feelings will never be cured because they are a natural self defense.. always present when a situation calls for it….But the main difference is when you develop the skills that are presented here and cure the Emotions, dealing with our feelings is easy AND VERY PRODUCTIVE because you will then notice a feeling of serenity, a feeling of empowerment …a feeling of incredible strength and you will notice an increase in creativity to help your self move forward beyond the crises …

 

Actually what we are doing at this point is allowing our self to do what we should have been able to do as a child…what a parent should have allowed us to do..feel our feelings. But right here and now we can,you can stop passing the buck with blaming or " dumping". Most parents then and NOW don’t know this ! Unfortunately this Truth is still debated and not accepted across the board. If this was ever completely accepted as the truth and then incorporated into our educational system, the world, society would change dramatically . Crime, mental illness, the Divorce rate and suicide would diminish substantially.

 


How are you feeling Right Now ?

YOU MAY BE FEELING A LITTLE OPTOMISTIC, MAYBE EXCITED , MAYBE HOPEFUL..CHANCES ARE IT IS COMING FROM THE CORE OF YOUR SOUL WITH THE FEELING OF THE POSSIBILTY THAT THERE REALLY IS AN ANSWER TO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR... IT'S BEEN SAID THAT "THE ONE WE ARE LOOKING FOR, IS THE ONE WHO IS LOOKING.."THAT IS OUR REAL SELF.. JUST BURIED DEEP WITHIN ...TRYING TO REACH OUT..TRYING TO FIND THE WAY BACK HOME....

Your ability to allow your self to feel and accept your feelings will be critical to your successful recovery..WE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT OUR FEELINGS IN PHASE II OF THE PROCESS...IF YOU SHOULD BEGIN TO FEEL SOME ANXIETY AS YOU READ, DON'T BE ALARMED. DON'T LET IT STOP YOU..WE WILL SHOW YOU THE CORRECT WAY TO INTEGRATE ANXIETY TOO. THIS IS SEPARATION ANXIETY.. IN A VERY GOOD SENSE IT ACTUALLY IS A GOOD ANXIETY....

IF YOU FEEL UP TO IT YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT OUR FORUM AND SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR FEELINGS .

TO ENTER THE FORUM PLEASE CLICK

HERE

The Origin of Emotions..

FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS.. It is very important to understand the very basics of feelings and emotions in order to not only begin the process of healing your self but to have a respect of others to whom you come in contact with and most important to respect and understand children.

Feelings are not some mysterious dysfunctional part of the human psyche. Feelings are at the most simplistic definition a simple INNER ENERGY. An ENERGY THAT'S PRIMARY FUNCTION IS TO PROTECT OURSELF ! A primary means to communicate before our ability to talk is established. Physically, feelings are a unit of ENERGY has a beginning and an end. They are a natural means to protect our self from life threatening situations and also to “protect” our space, our boundaries and as mentioned above a primary means of communication.

Feelings are the only means that an innocent infant and a toddler have to communicate with..When the feelings are expressed in the form of crying and or anger and a parent or guardian stops the child from completely expressing these feelings, the feelings become repressed, stuffed into our body forming Emotions.Emotions are feelings that have been suppressed/repressed in our very early years, primarily during our infancy and toddler years.

A major inner turmoil forms early when we are taught by our adult caregivers actions not to allow our self to feel our feelings.This crises then deepens when our natural unconscious determination to clear our emotions clash...

Actually the process of our psyche attempting to clear itself begins immediately and the continuos attempts to clear itself and the repeated acts of supression are the human behavioral difficulties we are dealing with..the continous inner struggle to CONTROL the process is the main misunderstanding...

Within the mainstream of psychology it has been taught over the years the one of the primary difficulties we deal with is the graduation through many emotional development stages of growth from infancy into adulthood. It is my contention ( and others) that this is erroneous. The critical emotional development stages are established from infancy through todler. Provided that this is absolutely true would make major difference with not only treating emotional difficulties but also would minimize the complexities of emotional development.

A Cycle is when the Emotions come up to clear, when we are OVERWHELMED with the feelings of the Emotion..we actually AGE REGRESS emotionally.We become that Infant again, or that Toddler again...once you advance in your recovery and your awareness is turned up a notch you WITNESS THE INFANT AND TODDLER PART WITHIN YOU...VERY CLEARLY , VERY STRONG!

When we experience a Mild to Moderate Feeling as an adult,this is natural and our basic primitive warning signals are working as they should ! You will need to allow yourself to accept, feel and experience the feelings...then the appropriate action to take will come to you.

The Feeling Cycle

Feelings have a “cycle” that absolutely needs to be completed.

If the cycle is not completed it ( for the lack of a better way to explain it ) becomes dormant in our psyche and transforms into what is commonly known as an EMOTION… This does not also include the feelings generated as a result of severe emotional trauma experienced with PHYSICAL,EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL ABUSE..where it becomes a double dose when we were not even allowed to FEEL the pain of the ABUSE ! Don't you remember when they were asking you " WHY ARE YOU CRYING FOR,IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING BEING PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ? I DO !

As soon as the feelings of a child are inappropriately controlled by an adult, the damage begins. A simple example would be say for instance an infant starts to cry because it needs to be held, a common instinctive response would be to give it a bottle or pacifier just stop the infant from crying. After several repeated acts of the same scenario a “message”.. is unconsciously exchanged.. the message here is my feelings are not ok I need to stop them, control them, replace them with something else.

Now if you take this simple example and multiply it by all of the interactions between a child and all of their adult caretakers plus multiply over a period of time you will see the tremendous amount of built up feelings within …

Feelings simply need to be exhausted naturally.. until the energy of the feeling stops by themselves.

In other words if a child hurts itself while playing and starts to cry the adult caretaker should allow the child to continue to cry until it feels like stopping. The adult needs to “Be there” for them as they are allowed to and ENCOURAGED TO feel their pain.

This doesn’t sound right to what is considered “Normal”. This is another PARADOX . If you thoroughly understood the concept of feelings you would understand in this situation the care giver is not only allowing the feeling to complete the cycle, the care giver is also SETTING AN EXAMPLE that it is OK to accept and FEEL the feelings. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HEALTHY EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT !!

But when an adult suddenly picks up a child in that scenario and stops the child from crying, this is considered Stifling the feeling .(or stopping it before it completes it’s natural cycle.)This example, obviously would be with a very minor incident, any incident more than a minor one needs the appropriate medical attention immediately.

With ALL of the times that this stifling occurs during childhood you have a ton and a half of stored energy trying to complete it’s cycle .

Every time an attempt to clear is held back and controlled , the energy does a number inside our body physically and has a major influence on our psyche..

The child is “Taught” by there care givers to reject and control their feelings , the child assumes it is the right thing to do with feelings since it is taught by their care givers and forced on them as an ACCEPTED MEANS OF BEHAVIOR.

For the rest of the person’s life, all of these EMOTIONS ( stored up fragments of feelings ) will continue to resurface in an attempt to “Clear” by completing their cycles.

The common symptoms of emotional disorders are simply a combination of all of these inner feelings attempting to clear themselves.

With one example ,the FEAR that a dysfunctional adult used to control a child , who also stopped the child from feeling it at that precise moment, returns back later and a severe phobia is created as a "Trigger" in order to complete the Cycles of fear.

*Graphic- AraNori © by Wen Hsu-Chen of Costa Rica. Reprinted with permission. Gallery Web Site E-MAIL neshad.geo@yahoo.com

Reprinted by permission

Healing the Child Within

by Charles L. Whitfield, MD

page 121

"In our healing,integration and growth,there will often be what feels like regression,slipping backwards or backsliding. Everything we seemed to have gained,we may feel like we have lost. We may end up feeling confused hopeless and in pain. This is a crucial point in our story and in our life. This is an opportunity for us to learn something important about our Child Within. Because if we stay with our feelings and our experiences of the Present Moment,the Now, even though all may seem lost,we will likely once again discover that the way out of our pain is through it. We help ourself go through it by being in it and telling our story about it to trusted others."

For an additional review of Dr.Whitfield's book and web site please click HERE

ANOTHER WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT...

Healing the Child Within by Dr. Whitfield is a fantastic reference to help us understand and TO BEGIN THE UNCONDITONAL ACCEPTANCE of parts of us commonly called our "Inner Child". Towards the end of the book on page 121 there is a chart describing the different PHASES of recovery.

Dr. Whitfield points out in so many words ( not quoted) that when the individual actively and intentionally pursues their FEELINGS ( EMOTIONS ) THEY ARE IN THE ADVANCED STAGES OF RECOVERY...(italics added)

This to me points out TWO important points:

1. Recovery is a process WHERE YOU IN FACT "GET BETTER" !!!

2. This also validates the procedure that FEELING THE FEELINGS ARE A MAJOR PART OF HEALING..

 

 

Most of this information may be knew to you and you will probably need more documented proof of the concepts that are explored here , for instance the position that we need to accept, feel and experience our feelings in order to Heal. The Following page will provide VALIDATIONS  from PROFESSIONALS...

VALIDATIONS